Nothing can prepare you for the first sight of your child.

 

You wonder for nine months how she will look like.  Will she take after her dad or will she take after you?  You devise ways in which to somehow manage and control her DNA, be it through food (eat lots of oranges and apples) or through “kasabihan” or “pamahiin” (stay away from dinuguan, do not watch horror films etc.), and pray to God that she will come out like the Philippines’ next supermodel.

 

But, as I have discovered, whatever your child looks like, an immense sort of awe, wonder and amazement will always engulf you.  Did this child come from me?  How did this happen? 

 

Immeasurable love for this little vulnerable package will consume you. 

 

You look at her sleepy peaceful face and think that an angel has literally descended from heaven. 

 

 

 

 

Her every smile becomes a smile for you.

 

 

 

Her every twist and cringe grips your heart.  

 

 

 

 

Her simple whimper becomes a loud cry for comfort. 

 

 

Your whole world has somehow evolved to solely focus on nothing but this little bundle of joy. Damn your career and that whirlwind of a social life you had. You would only want to protect her and at the same time wish for her everything that’s good in the world to see and experience. 

 

Motherhood indeed brings you full circle.  It suddenly explained all the times that your parents were strict with you.  It explained why, despite the coming-of-age argument, parents will still insist on being informed of your whereabouts. 

 

I look at this bundle in my arms and I am clutched with fear.  Will I be able to protect her from the evils of the world?  And in those times that I or her dad won’t be there, will she be able to handle the challenges of life on her own?  

 

I can only raise her with love, nurture her and leave the rest to God. 

 

Faith suddenly had more meaning.