“Breastmilk is Best for Babies”

Breastmilk is best for babies.

It’s easy to digest, it boosts their metabolism, increases the child’s IQ and lowers risk of leukemia. 

This said, the next question is – Is it the best for mommies?

But nobody asked.

I have come to discover that, apart from the positive advertising by-lines, no one ever bothered to discuss the truth about breastfeeding.  Or even just to matter-of-factly outline the ABC’s of it. 

A – Anxiety

B – Breastmilk; Bruises

C- Colostrum; Chills

D- Dehydration

E – Engorgement; Expressed Milk

F – Fever

down to

L- Latch on; Let-down; Lactation etc.

Perhaps as not to discourage the expecting mother. But I personally would have appreciated more honest information.

It is one of those days that I have to discover things for myself.  My breast, after a day of hardly a drop, is hard rock engorged.  I woke up with a tingling sensation signalling that we are ready for a let-down.  I tried to dutifully express some milk and store some for the next feeding but I was too exhausted.  Next thing I know I was down with a fever and was shivering madly.  Coupled with migraine, dysmenorrhea and bleeding, I honestly thought this is is it – my body has finally given in. 

Three lifelines flashed through my thoughts – the Bottle, the Formula, the Yaya. 

I would have readily grabbed at these if not for, yes, the advertising by-line: “Breastmilk is best for babies”.  And thoughts of my baby getting sick suddenly nagged at me.

No one told me either that I would be so concerned with social approval. “Konting hirap lang yan, tiis lang, ganyan talaga ang maging ina.”  I personally am not of the view that any one is less of a mother if she doesn’t breastfeed.  There are valid reasons for a mother to waive this I believe (best to discuss in another entry).  But without agreeeing to it in principle or the mixed signals it sends,  I thought of my mom’s disapproving face, clenched my teeth and waited for that excruciating latch on.  

Elisabeth Hasselbeck of “The View” once said, “Nothing changes your breast the way breastfeeding does.”  Apart from the difficulties of breastfeeding, she was of course talking about the aesthetic effect of breastfeeding, which essentially is none. 

Brooke Shields I think said it best when she recounted her daughter’s reaction upon seeing her breasts – “Mommy, why are they uneven?”

Cute. From a girl of five.  But horribly depressing for a mother of two or even one. 

I would have gone on with my tirade over the injustice of it all.  Hoping that at the end of it, a solution would have been reached, one I hope my conscience will easily accept and live with. 

But a cry from the cot was like a cry from the wilderness.  

Baby Nina hungrily latches on and closes her eyes.  For a brief moment, she smiles…a contented smile.

And man, I thought, what have I been thinking?!? 🙂

Baby Blues

Post partum Depression or “baby blues” is exactly what the name says – its depression that hits women after giving birth or usually during the first natal week. 

 

Its a condition that hits about 60 % of women who have just given birth but rarely talked about and at times, for the ignorant, even condemned.  (Remember that Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields fiasco?).  Severe episodes have been characterized with irritability, lack of sleep and appetite and extreme and continued sadness.    

 

Curious if I belong to the 60 % of the pregnant women population, I was careful to watch for signs. 

 

And then on my 2nd natal week, it hit me.   

 

I cried three (3) times all in one evening.  First, a whimper.  Second, a tear.  Then, next thing I know, I was bawling like crazy! 

 

I was tired.

 

In pain.

 

Hungry.

 

And Ugly.

 

Comprehension finally dawned.

 

No wonder there is such a thing as post partum depression–there is the pain of giving birth and, just when your wound has yet to heal, you have to nurse  and feed your child which, someone neglected to tell you, would have to be by the hour.  As in, E-V-E-R-Y HOUR.  Exhaustion hits you like an anvil, but hey, the baby’s crying so you will have to get up again! 

 

After a week or two, you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder who’s this cow staring in front of you. 

 

Personally, it depends on my moods.  Some times, I feel like a cow especially just after I have pumped my umpteenth ounce of breastmilk and my breasts are all sore and hanging loose.  At other times, I feel like a pig.   I have yet to get anytime for myself and my husband is about to come home with me smelling like crazy for lack of a shower.  I haven’t had time to shampoo my hair let alone brush my teeth.  Worse, there’s a pouch which has remained around my waist making me wonder if my baby has a twin left inside!  You choose. 

 

After the news of having given birth has worn off, loneliness then hits you.  You are left to your devices.  No more visitors, no well-wishers (not that you would want any coz you do smell afterall!).  It’s just you and the baby.  And although the sight of her will always make you smile, the reality of it is you do smell, you haven’t been able to brush you hair, your back aches like hell and you haven’t slept for what seemed like an eternity.

 

Depressing nga naman yun sister!

 

But, as with every ailment, there is always a cure. 

 

For Brooke Shields, its a bottle of anti-depressants.  For Tom Cruise,  its “a better way of life.”

 

In my case,  a slice of pizza, a plate of spaghetti and a good back rub courtesy of Mr. P were enough to do the trick.  🙂

 

The Many Faces of an Angel

 

Nothing can prepare you for the first sight of your child.

 

You wonder for nine months how she will look like.  Will she take after her dad or will she take after you?  You devise ways in which to somehow manage and control her DNA, be it through food (eat lots of oranges and apples) or through “kasabihan” or “pamahiin” (stay away from dinuguan, do not watch horror films etc.), and pray to God that she will come out like the Philippines’ next supermodel.

 

But, as I have discovered, whatever your child looks like, an immense sort of awe, wonder and amazement will always engulf you.  Did this child come from me?  How did this happen? 

 

Immeasurable love for this little vulnerable package will consume you. 

 

You look at her sleepy peaceful face and think that an angel has literally descended from heaven. 

 

 

 

 

Her every smile becomes a smile for you.

 

 

 

Her every twist and cringe grips your heart.  

 

 

 

 

Her simple whimper becomes a loud cry for comfort. 

 

 

Your whole world has somehow evolved to solely focus on nothing but this little bundle of joy. Damn your career and that whirlwind of a social life you had. You would only want to protect her and at the same time wish for her everything that’s good in the world to see and experience. 

 

Motherhood indeed brings you full circle.  It suddenly explained all the times that your parents were strict with you.  It explained why, despite the coming-of-age argument, parents will still insist on being informed of your whereabouts. 

 

I look at this bundle in my arms and I am clutched with fear.  Will I be able to protect her from the evils of the world?  And in those times that I or her dad won’t be there, will she be able to handle the challenges of life on her own?  

 

I can only raise her with love, nurture her and leave the rest to God. 

 

Faith suddenly had more meaning.

 

 

 

An Introduction

And so it has come to pass.

Nina Samantha was born on Thursday, 28 August 2008, at 2:48 pm, by emergency ceasarian section.  She was 6 lbs. and 48 cm. long.

I saw three (3) pairs of hands literally dig in to my uterus to fetch her. 

She kissed me for a second before these same hands again snatched her away to clean her. 

Next time I saw her, she was clothed in pink, eyes closed, dreaming of a world still unknown to her…

and fair, very fair.  🙂

I held her in my arms and for a while I couldn’t make anything of my emotions…

Until she opened her eyes… 

And took my heart away.

She is mine.  🙂