Revisiting the Year Past

The night air is cool.  It’s 3 a.m. and I’m once again up for my “date” with Nina.   As usual, mother and daughter revel in the quietness of the night (Nina full from her nighttime feeding) allowing me to have my thoughts do its own meandering. 

It’s another new year.  It looks promising.  I am hopeful.

I reflect upon the year past and, with the warm bundle in my arms, it is not difficult to see what it meant for me. 

I became a mother. 

And with that comes a year-long learning of how it is to nurture life within one’s self,

And the understanding of the sacrifice, selflessness and love that comes with raising one. 

To say that “the day one decides to have a child is the day one decides to wear her heart outside of her” is an understatement.  I am overwhelmed by the wealth and depth of emotion that wells up inside of me each time I look at Nina.  How I have produced such a beautiful child is a  wonder to me.  A true miracle.  To realize that she is mine, my own, brings aching joy in me. Renee Zellweger was wrong in saying  “you complete me” in reference to movie husband Tom Cruise.  No, my child completes me.  The love one has for one’s husband can never equal that which one has for one’s child.   She is simply a part of me.  And her small hands clutching mine, her bright wide eyes mirroring mine, will be a constant reminder of how she has become my heart. 

 

 I became a daughter.

I love my mom immensely.  We share a bond that, I must admit, only a few have.  But going through the throes of pregnancy and having a child have deepened our relationship even more.  She has always been my friend, my anchor, my confidante.  During my pregnancy, she was my eating buddy, my supplier of all those delectable cakes. 🙂  My mom brought me to the hospital when I was due to deliver.  She gave me a brave teary smile as they wheeled me to the delivery room.  She was the first one I saw when I gained consciousness, the first one to tell me I’m now a mom to a beautiful baby girl. 

They always tell me that I’m my mom’s favorite.  They speculate that it must be because I’m the sweetest among four girls, it must be because we have the same likes and dislikes.  Now, I know.  I’m her favorite because she can’t help it.  As each and every one of my siblings is also her favorite.  With each child is formed a bond fashioned not only by birth but by love, concern and selfless sacrifice.  Being a mother made me understand all that my mom did for me.  All the sacrifice she made for me.  All the dreams she dreamt for me.  And I love her more than ever.

 

And I became a friend.

Funny thing about being pregnant – it makes one available to others.  In my case, I was locked and shackled to the bed most of my first and third trimester, I was always available for a chat.  I became a friend, a confidante, a confessor and, in some days, a psychiatrist too.  “A” for “angst” would have been my baby’s first word. 🙂  

“F” for fun and foodtrip would be part of her vocabulary too.  I was “kaladkarin” as ever, available for coffee perks, dinner discussions and even morning breathers.  I gave love and was the recipient of love…tons of it.  The baby shower Blue Sneakers threw for me, acting in concert with mega events coordinator Ibyang, will always be one of my cherished moments.  Not because of all the gifts and merrymaking that went into it, but because it evoked “friendship” in its truest and deepest sense. Simply put, I felt loved.  I have always been blessed.  But to be blessed with such good friends is truly one absolute fulfillment.  

2008 was truly “the Bomb”! 

It celebrated life, love and friendship. 

I cannot help but be hopeful for 2009. 🙂

Nina’s Baptismal Celebration

Yesterday’s Eucharistic celebration was the Feast of the Baptism of Jesus.

Which reminded me that, after all the hoopla, I forgot to blog and post the pics of my daughter’s baptism!

It must have been the rush that comes with the season.  It must have been the burnt dress (yes, our helper burned the dress I intended to use for the occasion.  I cried a bucket and no one, save my friends, seem to understand why I was so distressed!) It must have been the daunting task of uploading a hundred photos… that I totally failed to write about it!  

But, here it is, (minus all the angst),  Nina’s Baptismal Celebration!  

 

“I baptize you in the name of the Father…

Of the son…

And of the Holy Spirit.

 

 

By this white garment you have “put on Christ”, have risen with Christ, anointed by the Holy Spirit, incorporated into Christ.

By this candle, lit from the Easter candle, Christ have enlightened you.  You are now “the light of the world.”

Your godparents shall assist and guide you to remain faithful in the Christian path.

You are now purified from all sins, a new creature, an adopted son of God, a partaker of the divine nature, a member of Christ and co-heir with him, and a temple of the Holy Spirit.

Welcome to your family of Christians…

Welcome to the Christian World!”

 

It was such a success…

 

We had to give thanks…through little cupcakes of love.

 

We felt the love.

 

And, most importantly, so did Nina. 🙂

Future Lawyer

Wouldn’t it be nice if lawyers look as serene as this? 

Inquisitive eyes interestedly looking back at you, instead of inquisatorial ones glaring back.  

Then perhaps every controversy can be resolved with calm and equanimity, not raging heads and flying tempers. 

 

Objections can easily be quiet down by pink pacifiers, damages reduced to bottle-filled milk.

Allegations will be musical sounds from stuffed alligators, motions the gentle rocking of the cot.

 

 

 

 Its a dream I wish for my daughter, but a wistful and funny one. 

But that’s alright as I’m sure she can always stare anyone down when need be. 🙂

About the Boy

 

“Nina’s named after me, right Tata Ging?  Her name is Antonia?”

“No, but the Baby Book of Names says that Nina is derived from your name Anton.”

 

“She looks like me.”

“That’s because I love you.   Remember, ikaw ang pinaglihian ko?”

 

“I love holding her fingers.”

“She likes you.”

 

“I have never felt this way before Tata Ging.  I will never get tired of  holding her.”

“Neither will I.”  🙂

“Breastmilk is Best for Babies”

Breastmilk is best for babies.

It’s easy to digest, it boosts their metabolism, increases the child’s IQ and lowers risk of leukemia. 

This said, the next question is – Is it the best for mommies?

But nobody asked.

I have come to discover that, apart from the positive advertising by-lines, no one ever bothered to discuss the truth about breastfeeding.  Or even just to matter-of-factly outline the ABC’s of it. 

A – Anxiety

B – Breastmilk; Bruises

C- Colostrum; Chills

D- Dehydration

E – Engorgement; Expressed Milk

F – Fever

down to

L- Latch on; Let-down; Lactation etc.

Perhaps as not to discourage the expecting mother. But I personally would have appreciated more honest information.

It is one of those days that I have to discover things for myself.  My breast, after a day of hardly a drop, is hard rock engorged.  I woke up with a tingling sensation signalling that we are ready for a let-down.  I tried to dutifully express some milk and store some for the next feeding but I was too exhausted.  Next thing I know I was down with a fever and was shivering madly.  Coupled with migraine, dysmenorrhea and bleeding, I honestly thought this is is it – my body has finally given in. 

Three lifelines flashed through my thoughts – the Bottle, the Formula, the Yaya. 

I would have readily grabbed at these if not for, yes, the advertising by-line: “Breastmilk is best for babies”.  And thoughts of my baby getting sick suddenly nagged at me.

No one told me either that I would be so concerned with social approval. “Konting hirap lang yan, tiis lang, ganyan talaga ang maging ina.”  I personally am not of the view that any one is less of a mother if she doesn’t breastfeed.  There are valid reasons for a mother to waive this I believe (best to discuss in another entry).  But without agreeeing to it in principle or the mixed signals it sends,  I thought of my mom’s disapproving face, clenched my teeth and waited for that excruciating latch on.  

Elisabeth Hasselbeck of “The View” once said, “Nothing changes your breast the way breastfeeding does.”  Apart from the difficulties of breastfeeding, she was of course talking about the aesthetic effect of breastfeeding, which essentially is none. 

Brooke Shields I think said it best when she recounted her daughter’s reaction upon seeing her breasts – “Mommy, why are they uneven?”

Cute. From a girl of five.  But horribly depressing for a mother of two or even one. 

I would have gone on with my tirade over the injustice of it all.  Hoping that at the end of it, a solution would have been reached, one I hope my conscience will easily accept and live with. 

But a cry from the cot was like a cry from the wilderness.  

Baby Nina hungrily latches on and closes her eyes.  For a brief moment, she smiles…a contented smile.

And man, I thought, what have I been thinking?!? 🙂

The Many Faces of an Angel

 

Nothing can prepare you for the first sight of your child.

 

You wonder for nine months how she will look like.  Will she take after her dad or will she take after you?  You devise ways in which to somehow manage and control her DNA, be it through food (eat lots of oranges and apples) or through “kasabihan” or “pamahiin” (stay away from dinuguan, do not watch horror films etc.), and pray to God that she will come out like the Philippines’ next supermodel.

 

But, as I have discovered, whatever your child looks like, an immense sort of awe, wonder and amazement will always engulf you.  Did this child come from me?  How did this happen? 

 

Immeasurable love for this little vulnerable package will consume you. 

 

You look at her sleepy peaceful face and think that an angel has literally descended from heaven. 

 

 

 

 

Her every smile becomes a smile for you.

 

 

 

Her every twist and cringe grips your heart.  

 

 

 

 

Her simple whimper becomes a loud cry for comfort. 

 

 

Your whole world has somehow evolved to solely focus on nothing but this little bundle of joy. Damn your career and that whirlwind of a social life you had. You would only want to protect her and at the same time wish for her everything that’s good in the world to see and experience. 

 

Motherhood indeed brings you full circle.  It suddenly explained all the times that your parents were strict with you.  It explained why, despite the coming-of-age argument, parents will still insist on being informed of your whereabouts. 

 

I look at this bundle in my arms and I am clutched with fear.  Will I be able to protect her from the evils of the world?  And in those times that I or her dad won’t be there, will she be able to handle the challenges of life on her own?  

 

I can only raise her with love, nurture her and leave the rest to God. 

 

Faith suddenly had more meaning.

 

 

 

An Introduction

And so it has come to pass.

Nina Samantha was born on Thursday, 28 August 2008, at 2:48 pm, by emergency ceasarian section.  She was 6 lbs. and 48 cm. long.

I saw three (3) pairs of hands literally dig in to my uterus to fetch her. 

She kissed me for a second before these same hands again snatched her away to clean her. 

Next time I saw her, she was clothed in pink, eyes closed, dreaming of a world still unknown to her…

and fair, very fair.  🙂

I held her in my arms and for a while I couldn’t make anything of my emotions…

Until she opened her eyes… 

And took my heart away.

She is mine.  🙂

Top 12 Best Babyshower Gifts

Babyshowers are given to the would-be mom to start her off with her baby needs. 

I never realized how big a help this is until my friend Blue Sneakers hosted one for me.  It was not only emotionally gratifying but educational to a first time mom such as myself as well.  To start with, I don’t know which items to buy Baby Nina for her first three (3) months in this world.  I don’t know the difference between a gauze diaper or a bird’s eye diaper.  I don’t know the advantage of having a tie-side onesie from a babyshirt.  I don’t know the difference between a manual breastpump from an electric pump, whether Medela is better than Avent.   And I am horrified by the thought that I have to think of myself as a milking cow for the next six (6) months!   

A roomful of women diminished (slightly) all these, with their comforting words, experience-gained knowledge and gifts…gifts…gifts!

So, here’s my Top 12 Pick of Best Babyshower Gifts, in random order, taken from “the loot” from that fun-filled day:

1.   The Crib

      It always pays to include some big items into the Baby Registry as you’ll never know if some kind-hearted generous soul has a mind to give you one, e.g. your parents or parents-in-law.  In my case, my mother-in-law surprised us with a white wooden crib, complete with cushion and beddings, a week before the baby shower.  My husband and I were both touched.  It also threw us into a gift-receiving mode all of a sudden!   We were excited over the arrival of more surprises!

     By the way, cribs can be either the traditional wooden kind or the plastic-steel kind.  Nowadays, both wooden and plastic-steel cribs usually are dual or triple purpose, transforming into a playpen and, in the case of a wooden crib,  can also stretch into a starter bed. 

 2.   The Beddings

 

 I received about 5 sets of beddings that day but this one’s my favorite!  It came from Blue Sneakers and it’s in a blue, yellow and cream giraffe theme.  (Somehow, I have this fixation over giraffes!)  That’s Mr. Giraffee on top.  Pull-out its tail and a lullaby suddenly plays!  It keeps Nina calm when she’s suddenly restless and playful in my tummy. 🙂

And here’s what I’ve just learned, beddings usually come with the fitted sheet, the comforter and bolster pillows.  Some even carry with it a side-guard that runs around the crib to protect your baby from those hard bumps.  Amazing!

3.  Diaper Depot

 

This one is so cool!  The package says “the complete diaper changing station”.  Its made of durable plastic that one can hang over the side of the crib.  I like it because its different from the frilly cloth-diaper depots one usually sees in the mall, plus it has so many storage levels that prevents clutter.  Trust Tita Glends to spot a good product!

4. Reusable Diapers

 

One can never go wrong with diapers as gifts.  But this one is reusable!  How cool is that!  Its a cotton diaper from Chino Pino, pre-folded and shaped, with velcro sides that no pins or clips are needed. Tita Teresa, a mother of four (4) kids, swears by this.  I agree, this is such a find that I bought an additional dozen for Nina. 🙂

5.  Baby Bottles

 Another great gift as it is a must-have:  baby bottles! Most mothers I’ve talked to swear by Avent because of its durability and anti-kolic feeding nipples.  A set such as this comes with two 4 oz. bottles, two 9 oz. bottles and extra feeding nipples.  I wished Tata Gi included the Avent sterilizer with the set. 😉

6. Bathtub

 

A baby bathtub is a necessity, not only for baby’s hygiene but mommy’s convenience as well.  Baby bathtubs come in different shapes, sizes and color.  But I like this one because it’s portable- it folds and snaps in the middle, perfect for storage and those family-outings.  Its in a reclining form, with rubber mat, that one doesn’t need to purchase a separate reclining bath seat for the baby.  There’s also space for shampoo, washtowel and soap on the other side.  Lola Inday was surely smart to get this for Nina.

By the way, I just discovered that there’s a new bath tub model out in the market these days.  It comes with a shower nozzle that’s attached to a round water container.  Pretty convenient but the price is quite steep – P 2,300.00.  

7.  Toiletries

What’s a bathtub without the toiletries!  Babies need their shampoo, soap, lotion, powder, diaper rash creams, colognes, etc.  And what better way to present and package this than in a cute wicker basket with pink baby bear to boot!  Tita Nikki surely knows how to tickle the kikay in Nina! 

8. Child Care Kit

 

Babies are truly such a different breed that they need a whole new set of grooming tools just for themselves.  Ibyang swears by Safety 1st as her lifeline to sanity in grooming her daughter Gia.  It also comes with a thermometer and a mucus-extraction tool.  I like this one for its hard case.  Makes me look like I know what I’m doing. Hehe!

9.   Baby Carrier

This is the next best thing to being gifted a stroller.  If mommy is young, athletic, and don’t have much pregnancy weight lagging around, a baby carrier is the way to go.  They say it strengthens the bond between mother and baby as opposed to having baby relegated in the stroller.  It also eases the pain from those tired arm muscles.  Just be carefull not to forget you have a bundle in front of you!

10.  Baby Bag

Mommy still needs to look stylish during those weekend jaunts.  Ate Rose got me this baby bag complete with a plastic changing pad and a baby wipes storage inside.  Its roomy and durable enough to keep those feeding bottles and diapers intact.  This comes in different colors and styles.  There’s even one designed especially for daddy!

11.  Baby Einstein Play Gym

 

It doesn’t have to be Baby Einstein, any play gym will do.  Anything that will stimulate baby’s auditory and locomotor skills is fine with me.  Lola Mel, Ibyang’s mom, was sweet enough to get Nina one which is portable and has a light and sound mechanism.  Can’t wait to see Nina’s eyes pop up and snatches one of those mobile figures!

12.  Baby Book

 

The book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” is one of my most cherished books as it literally guided me through every bump and jolt in each of those nine (9) months.  It is thus with much appreciation for Louella when I discovered she gifted me with this book “What to Expect the First Year”.   As I said before, the prospect of becoming a mother fills me with the same degree of trepidation as it does me with excitement.  This book, hopefully, dimishes that and answers most of the baby mystery for me. 

 

So, there it goes, my Top 12 Best Babyshower Gifts.   Practical, affordable and all given with thoughtful love to prepare me into becoming a perfect mom. 

I just hope I don’t disappoint them…least of all Baby Nina. 🙂

Anatomy of a Name

What’s in a name?

This one million dollar question now haunts my every waking day, afraid that it will not suit my baby and that she will suffer rebuke and ridicule for the rest of her life.

A look at the Giant Book of Baby Names reveals that most cultures derive their baby names from the most popular ones that are already in use (Anna, Rose), or from a hero/heroine (Venus [Greek mythology]), or from a biblical character (Elijah, Mark, Matthew).

There is no chapter on Filipino names.  So, I deign to make my own review.

Owing to our Spanish heritage, most Filipino names are in Spanish and its derivatives.  Hardly do we come in counter with real Filipino or Tagalog names, such as, “Maganda”, “Maliksi” or “Alindog”, and when we do, these are descriptions of the child’s hoped-for character and a reflection of their parent’s hard core nationalism.

Most Filipino names don’t come in singles, it comes in doubles or a combination of two names.  Usually, one of them would be that of a saint, the feast of which falls on the month in which the child is born.  For girls, the first name usually is that of Mama Mary thus we have “Maria Teresa”,  its abbreviation “Ma. Teresa”, or its English version “Mary Therese”.  For boys, there’s St. Joseph and St. Peter thus the names “Jose” or “Pedro”.

For those who truly love themselves (=P), the child’s name is usually a combination of the parents’ names.  Thus, we have “Maria Patricia” from Maria and Patricio, or “Jose Marie” from Jose and Maria.  It could also be prefixes/suffixes of the first letters of the parents’ names combined together, thus, my sisters’ names “Gilyn” and “Glenda” from Guillermo and Erlinda. 

American names soon trickled in, through downright colonization and lately from the boobtube, introducing us to “Hannah” or “Audrey” or “William” or “Lincoln”. 

Nowadays, I don’t know where our culture is headed but parents tend to name their children from characters from their favorite telenovelas.   In 2000, we saw the influx of girls named “Marimar” from the popular Spanish telenovela of the same title.  In 2006, there was “Marina” from the popular Philippine Telenovela about a mermaid (I still have to check if anybody dared to name their child “Dugong”, the barnacle-villain from that same telenovela).  I won’t be surprised if this year, there will be children named “Dyesabel” from a telenovela of the same title or “Joaquin” from Joaquin Bordado.

As for me, I just try to wake up these days and listen intently to my child’s desires.  Hoping a kick or a bump will give it away, I recite a litany of baby girl names. 

So far, this is what we have:

“Emmanuelle” or “Nina” – Alright, this did not come from any book.  “Emmanuelle” is obviously the Lord’s name, while “Nina” is derived from Sto. Nino.  We were married on January 15, the Feast of Sto. Nino, and the baby was conceived in December of last year, after (2) years of marriage.  So, either of these names have to be included either as a first or second name.  No ifs and buts about it.

“Samantha” –  This came from Tata Gem.  She thinks “Samantha Emmanuelle”, with nickname “Sam”, is just beautifully suited for the child. In her word, “Ganda!”  🙂  A look at the baby book reveals that the name is derived from Samuel, a biblical character.  Also said to refer to God.  

“Alexis” – This also came from Tata Gem.  It was meant to be for her 2nd child.  She thinks “Alexis Emmanuelle”, with nickname “Alex”, also sounds fine.  “Alex” is derived from “Alexander”, defender or helper of mankind, also the name of one of the greatest emperors of all time…if not for his sexual orientation (as Mr. P knowingly pointed out =P).

“Cassandra” – I just love how the name rolls on my tongue, “Cassandra Emmanuelle” or “Nina Cassandra”, nickname “Cassie”.  It has its origin from Greek mythology, the daughter of Priam and Hecuba, said to have the gift of prophecy.  Ahh, “manghuhula”!

Other suggested names are “Gabriela” shyly suggested by no other than my nephew Gabriel, “Antonia” suggested by my nephew Anton (whose been trying to bribe everyone in the family to choose this name)  and “Ping” from Ricky (yeah, that’s another note among us Pinoys.  We like to name our kids from the sound of doorbells, i.e.,  Bong, Bing, Ting, Teng, Dang, Ding etc.)

There is no declared winner yet.

I’m hoping that an epipaphany will come to me soon…

Or you guys can help me out and we’ll have a survey!  🙂 

 

Confronted with our Masterpiece

We had such a scare!

We went to the doctor for our monthly visit.  I’m now on my 16th week ofpregnancy and the baby should easily be detected.  Baby’s heartbeat however did not register on the Doppler machine.  Doctor Quiambao must have examined me for a full 10 minutes before finally referring me to an emergency ultrasound at the Delivery Room. 

My eyes watered as I held on to my husband.  He was calm but I saw the worry in his eyes and, by the twitch of his mouth, I knew he was trying to analyze what went wrong.

But God is truly gracious.  My baby instantly appeared on the ultrasound. The doctor on duty surmised that the baby might just have been hiding. 

The joy that I felt in finally seeing my baby in human-form is indescribable!  I sometimes think if I might just be imagining things, the growth in my tummy a mere hormonal imbalance or the result of an overactive appetite rather than a fetus.  Seeing my baby – head, hands, legs and all, banished all that!

My baby is now six(6) inches long. His/her heartbeat is steady and strong.  There was a bouncing round figure on the monitor.  At first, I thought it must be his/her heart beating.  Turns out, it was his/her tightly clenched fist doing the Pacquiao punch!  I think this one’s gonna be a fighter, a rambunctious bundle of joy!  =)