Reclaiming My Life

To say that I have been busy the past few weeks would be an understatement.

Busy attending to my career,

busy having dinner with friends,

busy partying,

busy shopping…

I have been busy doing stuffs that, to my utter wonderment, were not necessarily baby related and the least bit maternal.  But surprisingly just right.

I was busy “being me”.

 

Or at least reclaiming the “me” I thought I was and more.

Having a baby brings so many changes.  Everything is not the same as it used to be.  And however much one tries can never be the way it used to be.

Your sleeping pattern changes, you suffer in a time warp of eternal lack of sleep.

Your relationship with your husband changes, those sweet “alone times” seeming to dwindle in history.

Your friends begin planning for the next grand vacation, camping, scuba diving, you get all worked up in excitement until you realize you have a little one to be left at home.  

Everything changes. Geez, even your bra size changes!

And in the midst of this, I asked myself if I have allowed myself to get “lost” in the demands and changes of motherhood.  Have I already lost myself?

 

And in my quest for an answer, I found myself in the parlor.  Spending a fortune on a hair treatment that will turn back the clock and give me the appearance of youthful glow and optimism without busting my bank account.   And discovering, as my husband appreciately eyes me over, that it was all worth it! 

In the mall’s women’s department, purchasing a couple of what to date would be my biggest expense on lingerie, as it promises to push and lift my once youthful pride and glory.  I in turn tried to suspend my disbelief as I clutch on the word “perky” on the description tag.

I found myself in coffee shops and nice eating places, with friends.  Sitting, oh not so quietly, and listening to them share their latest exploits and escapades.  I was afraid to become one of those moms who, lounge in their baggie pants, do nothing but to incessantly talk about their young ones, forgetting that for some life is not only about having a baby.  But about exploring one’s boundaries, one’s world, doing more, achieving more.  And at each laughter and every guffaw, I found myself tingling all over, with warmth and joy.  With inspiration.  With deep appreciation for people who have loved me, who have shared in my passions, my dreams and my heartaches, and who will be there for me and with me in each of life’s many surprises and tribulations.

And I found myself at Mang Inasal’s, the newest “inasal” place to hit the metro, sitting in front of my husband and listening on how he has discovered this place and what makes it better than the other “inasal” places out there.  I was reminded on how much we loved food that we would hang out on the same eating joint for weeks on end until our craving gets spent and we literally throw up from the mere sniff of it.  I was reminded on how gallantly he had always treated me as he served me a stick of that chicken thigh and spicy chicken sauce.  And how we enjoyed our mundane talks at each and every bite.  I took a leave from the office that day and it was surely a leave well spent.  As we walked our  “fullness” out, his hand clasped in mine,  I thought how much I have missed my husband and moments such as these with him.  It was such a joyous and relaxing break from the busyness of our parental life.

 

I lay down with Nina last night, finally after almost three (3) whirlwind weeks of “reclaiming” myself.  

And it was a good, whole, contented sleep. 🙂

Beware of stalkers!

What would you do when you find out that your ex has been stalking you all these years?

( )  Jump in jubilation

( )  Scream in horror

( )  Stalk him back

( )  Have a manicure and let it pass

(  )  None of the above

( )  All of the above

 

I found out recently that my ex viewed my friendster account.  If that wasn’t enough of a surprise, he even added that he has already seen a picture of my daughter and all of the other pictures posted in my profile. 

There are more or less eight (8) albums in my friendster account, each chronicling the milestones in my life.  From my wedding, the birthday of my son, my pregnancy countdown, baby shower, nina’s baptism, nina’s monthly birthdays, etc.  These are pictures I hold dear as they celebrate my family life, my relationship with the people I love.  These are pictures I posted to share with my sister abroad and other friends who have since left the country so that they may celebrate with me in my joy, my tears and my growth.  These are not open for gawking, these are not open for curious on-lookers, certainly not open to exes whom I have already sworn out of my life.

To say that I feel violated is an understatement. 

Ibyang says that I must feel like someone took a peek at me.

No, its worse than that. 

I feel like someone invaded my home and took the very part of me.  

He barged into our bedroom and into our family life. 

He shared in our laughter, our tears and our joy.

He has no business doing that. 

Whatever his motivations might be, I know it is not coming from a sincere heart.  The act of stalking by itself being a dishonest act.

Some may feel that I should rejoice in the knowledge that he is not yet over me.  That he has gone through lengths to know where I was and how I was doing.  That until now he is still pining for me. 

But the thing is I AM over him.  And he should respect that.